


Worth It...

by EvanesDust



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-19 03:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16526540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvanesDust/pseuds/EvanesDust
Summary: “I can’t be with you anymore, Derek.”Mouth formed into a thin line, nostrils flaring with every huff of breath. “Fine,” he bites out and turns to leave before Stiles can see the tears spilling from his eyes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *i'm not sure exactly how many chapters this will have, hence the '?' but it's not going to be a super long story. maybe 5 or 6 chapters. also, i have a rough outline done of how i want this to go as well as the next couple of chapters done, i just need to edit them.*
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

Derek’s leans against the wall, trying to blend into the background. Why did he agree to come to this party when his fight with Stiles was still so fresh in his mind. A 2 year relationship gone, just like that and he doesn’t understand why. Derek had always been upfront about wanting to attend Columbia University after they graduated and even though Stiles would be staying local to attend their community college, he had always seemed supportive. However, after Derek received his acceptance letter, Stiles has been acting withdrawn, starting fights over every little thing. It all came to a head during lunch at school that friday morning.

*****  
_“What are you doing?” Derek asks, eyes narrowing at the sight of Stiles’ hand on Erica’s hip._

_Honey colored eyes stare back with a look of guilt before they steel over with a blank expression. “Just talking to my catwoman.”_

_“Your ca- what?!” He grabs Stiles’ arm and pulls him out into the hall. “Stiles wha- why are y-” He releases his arm and pinches the bridge of his nose. “What is going on with you lately? What was that with Erica?”_

_“Nothing’s going on, God! She just wanted to talk about a fight she had with Boyd. Is that okay, Derek?” Stiles asks pointedly, moving to lean against the wall, banging his head back with a thump._

_“See, right there. That right there. You haven’t- you don’t- you only call me Derek when you’re mad at me…” He looks at his boyfriend, pain etched on his face. “What did I do?” He can feel the tears that want to well in his eyes._

_“Nothing, just nothing. You’re doing what you always do. What you have always planned on doing. While I’m here. Alone. I am going to be alone. In 3 months we’re done and you’re going off-” Stiles huffs out a breath and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he looks at Derek with a sad resolve. “I think we should break-up.”_

_Derek stares down at the ground, breathing becoming ragged, fists clenched at his sides, not believing what he had just heard. “You thi-” he gulps. “Wh- I don’t understand Stiles… Talk to me.” He takes a step towards him and reaches out a hand only stopping when Stiles turns away. “Is this about Columbia? We’ve talked about this. It’ll be hard, but I want-”_

_“What about what I want, hmm?” Stiles pushes off of the wall and begins pacing the width of the hall. “Did you ever think of that? When you leave in 3 mo-”_

_“It’s longer than 3 months.” Derek interrupts._

_“Oh, I’m sorry, you’re right. 6 months.” He says incredulously. “Because you won’t be leaving early to find an apartment or check out the scenery or just-” He takes a deep breath. “God! It doesn’t even matter when you’re leaving. The point is that you. Are. Leaving. You’re leaving me.” Tears start falling from his eyes. Derek steps forward, but Stiles pushes a hand against his chest to stop him from coming closer. He stares at his feet. “We need to break-up. And it needs to be now. Every day that we spend together just makes this so much worse, so much harder than I can deal with. I won’t- I ca- I can’t do this anymore.” He looks into Derek’s pale eyes. “I can’t be with you anymore, Derek.”_

_Mouth formed into a thin line, nostrils flaring with every huff of breath. “Fine,” he bites out and turns to leave before Stiles can see the tears spilling from his eyes. ___


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Derek groans when he looks up and sees Stiles dancing in the middle of the room. Maybe breaking up was for the best since he doesn’t appear to be too torn up over it. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *i am an apparent dumbass and only posted half of the first chapter... my bad... and so, viola, bonus chapter!!! even though it's really not*
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

Derek groans when he looks up and sees Stiles dancing in the middle of the room. Maybe breaking up was for the best since he doesn’t appear to be too torn up over it. He turns away before Stiles can see him. Ugh, why is he here again? He walks to the kitchen and is greeted by the sight of his best friend, the reason for his night of hell. He approaches Kira as she leans against the kitchen island.

“I thought the whole point of being here was so you could talk to Scott?” He chuckles when she jumps.

“Jes-” She clutches her chest. “You scared me Derek.”

“So where is boytoy?” He looks around cautiously for Stiles’ best friend.

She gives him a nervous smile. “Yeah… “ she shrugs. “As soon as I said you drove me here, he ran off to find Stiles.” She looks down and picks at her nails. “Apparently, he’s not taking the break-up well.”

Derek scoffs at her revelation. “Seemed pretty fine to me.” At her confused look, he continues, “he was out flailing around like he normally does.”

“Derek.”

“No Kira, it’s fine.”

“Just because it doesn’t look like he’s hurting doesn’t mean that he’s not. I mean look at you! You’re not curled into a ball crying.”

“But I was!” he cries indignantly, “and you made me come here! What should I be doing, huh? I’m not gonna walk around moping!”

“I know Derek, I know…” She places a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I’m just saying… maybe that’s what he’s doing too.” He blows out a breath, sits at a stool by the island, and thumps his head against the table. “Derek.” she says dolefully. 

“He broke up with me, Kira. He doesn’t get to be sad about it.” He stands forcefully and the stool clatters to the ground. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. He bends over and picks up the stool. “I can’t- can you? I need to be alone right now.”

“Go Derek. I’ll find a ride home.” 

Derek nods at her, grateful that she knows not to try and hug him right now. He’s normally a very tactile person, but his emotions are going haywire and any comforting touch would destroy him.  
He doesn’t want to walk back through the party, not with the chance of seeing or being seen by Stiles so he tries to sneak out through the back door. As he walks down the hall, he hears the growing sounds of muffled voices. He pauses outside the door when he recognizes the voices.

“- a mistake, Scott? Huh? I mean-”

“Dude, you can’t beat yourself up. You did the right thing. For both of you.”

“But you should have seen him. He was- he was-”

“Stiles. You said it yourself. The statistics of long distance relationships just don’t work. You said you’d rather end it now so that you could try to be friends. Give him a fresh start in a new city without being tied down.”

“I know but-”

“Hey, listen to me. Just listen. I’ll admit you could have gone about it differently, but you’re kind of a stubborn asshole. I mean, really? Picking fights, flirting with Erica?”

“I know Scott. I know.” 

“Stiles, I will stand by you no matter what, you know I will. You wanna be with Derek, be with Derek. Hell, I’ll even help you win him back.”

“But?”

“No… no but… you just need to make a decision.”

Derek can hear Stiles groan. “In the morning. Right now I just really need a drink.” When he hears footsteps coming closer to the door, Derek slides into the shadow of the corner, grateful when neither boy sees him as they pass.

He goes through the door armed with the knowledge that Stiles is being his stupid, idiotic, self-sacrificing self. Derek decides that he’ll just have to convince Stiles that he won’t hold him back. That he doesn’t need a fresh start because Columbia isn’t forever, it’s just for school, just 4 years. That he’ll be back for every winter, every spring, and every day of every summer break. Hell, he’ll even try to fly back once a month if need be or he can pay for Stiles to visit whenever he wants. He’ll just have to convince Stiles that it’s worth it, that they’re worth it. That Stiles has always been and will always be it for him.

He glances in through the kitchen window to see Stiles standing by the island taking a shot with a group of his friends. He smiles as Stiles notices him, nodding his head at the object of his affections. He walks back to his car when Stiles’ attention is drawn away by Erica laying her hand on his forearm. He’ll take the weekend to think about what he wants to say, what he wants to do and smiles, knowing that on Monday he’ll get Stiles back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The boy looks up into smiling eyes. “D-Derek, uh…” He looks around. “What are you doing here?”_
> 
> _Derek takes a bite of his apple and gestures at the table while he chews. “It’s our table, Stiles. If you’re sitting here then I’m sitting here. Because this-” he points between the two of them, “this isn’t over.” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... yeah... this fic might get a teensy bit longer than i had originally intended. i'm not sure yet.  
> i had a specific direction i was taking this but with the comments on the previous chapter, i may change a few things up that will end up lengthening it a bit. i guess we'll see. right now my brain is on overload and it's like automatic writing at this point, so i hope you don't mind the ramblings of a sleep deprived dori...
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

Derek stares at Stiles across the lunchroom sitting alone at their table, body slouched over with his head in his hands. He hasn’t had a chance to talk to him yet because their schedules don’t line up well on ‘A’ days but he knows that Stiles got the chocolates he put in his locker and the lilies he had delivered during the last period. Stiles looks sullen, which is, well, not exactly what he expected with regards to his plan on wooing Stiles. 

He strides over with his lunch tray and sits in his normal spot. “Stiles.”

The boy looks up into smiling eyes. “D-Derek, uh…” He looks around. “What are you doing here?”

Derek takes a bite of his apple and gestures at the table while he chews. “It’s our table, Stiles. If you’re sitting here then I’m sitting here. Because this-” he points between the two of them, “this isn’t over.”

With red eyes, Stiles looks up at Derek. “You said fine.”

“I lied.” Derek reaches a hand to brush down the side of Stiles’ face. He smiles when Stiles leans in to the touch. “I love you Stiles. I always have. You know that.”

“Is that the reason for the gifts? Derek you don’t- I don’t deser-”

“Stiles.” He turns the boy so they are facing each other completely. “I overheard you talking to Scott at the party. I know why you felt that we need to break-up. I don’t accept that.”

“But you-”

“Stiles.” He waits until Stiles looks into his eyes. “I understand your fears. It’s not like I don’t have them myself. I mean, I won’t be here.” He sighs heavily. “You’re going to meet new people, make new friends. Maybe you’ll meet someone else, someone worthy.”

“Derek Sebastian Hale, you-” Stiles slides across the bench closer to Derek. “You are an idiot if you think- if you- gah!” He brings his hands to Derek’s face and pulls their faces close together, foreheads touching. “You are so much better than me, so much more than I deserve.” He gazes into Derek’s eyes. “I love you, Der.” Derek presses their lips together, pouring all of his emotions into this kiss, hoping to show Stiles how much he wants him, how much he needs him. Stiles pulls back breathlessly when he hears trays clatter on the table.

“Oh thank God!” Lydia says, with a dramatic eye roll, Jackson and Danny nodding in agreement on either side of her. The boys look up to see Kira and Scott beaming at them. Further down the table Erica looks at Stiles sheepishly as she nuzzles into Boyd’s side. 

Derek nudges Stiles in their direction. “Looks like we’re not the only couple who made up.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, they- she said they made up yesterday.” Stiles waves down at them with a nervous chuckle. “Or at least that’s what Isaac said. I- I haven’t talked to her since the party. I, uh, I didn’t- and she-” He pulls at the collar of his shirt. 

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Stiles tilts his head in question.

“For the party. If you weren’t able to enjoy yourself…” 

Stiles titters. “Yeah, no, I uh, I got pretty drunk…” He trails off, ducking his head and taking a deep breath. “We should probably talk about some things before-”

The bell rings signifying the end of lunch. Derek grabs his still full tray and stands holding his other hand out for Stiles. “Come on. We can talk later. I’ll walk you to class.” With renewed vigor, Derek walks through the halls with his love at his side.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Stiles? Where have you been?” Stiles still doesn’t look up. He takes one step into the room and closes the door. Derek can see that his face is still blotchy and that he’s visibly shaking. Why had he been crying? “Baby, what’s wrong?” He gets up to go him, to hold and comfort his boyfriend, to reassure him that they’ll be okay, that they still have the summer._
> 
> _“I fucked up.” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp! this is officially the longest thing i have ever written...
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

The days and weeks and months go by and it’s as if the break-up had never happened. In fact most people don’t even know about the weekend that Stiles and Derek were no longer StilesandDerek. It’s all smiles and stolen glances, dates and kisses. Derek had been concerned that with graduation nearing Stiles would become more distant or begin pushing Derek away again. Whatever worries that Stiles had seemed to be assuaged because he was more affectionate than ever. Not to say that Stiles isn’t romantic, he’s just not as romantic as Derek. But lately, he’s been more attentive in showing his affections. He had even taken to leaving Derek daily notes about his love for him and about plans for their future.

Which is why it’s surprising when on their last day of classes, Stiles isn’t waiting outside of his last class like he normally does. Shrugging it off since Stiles had mentioned a prank or two that he wanted to pull, Derek goes to his locker to collect the last of his belongings. 

He’s not concerned when he gets out to the parking lot and finds that Stiles’ Jeep is missing. Scott had seen him at his locker and mentioned that Stiles had headed home needing to talk to his dad. He’s not concerned when he only receives a single text that says ‘I love you’ because he himself had been so busy that evening that he hadn’t even noticed his phone go off and slipped straight to sleep after he crawled into bed.

He does begin to worry when he calls to ask where he should meet Stiles before the graduation ceremony and it goes straight to voicemail. He’s worried when he doesn’t see Stiles when doing a cursory glance over his classmates when they line up to enter the auditorium. He’s worried as he sees the red, blotchy skin and sunken eyes on Stiles’ face when he finally does show up. And he’s worried when Stiles disappears immediately after the ceremony, not staying to take any of the promised pictures with Derek’s family. 

Derek is downright anxious when every call continues to go unanswered. He’s anxious when he drives to Stiles’ house and doesn’t see the Jeep, and he’s anxious when the Sheriff tells him with sad eyes that Stiles is out and he’s not sure when he’ll be back. He’s anxious when he heads home and realizes that he hasn’t actually talked to Stiles in 2 days. Is this it? Is it happening? Is Stiles going to break-up with him again?

He’s completely overwrought when Stiles knocks on Derek’s door and won’t meet his eyes. “Stiles? Where have you been?” Stiles still doesn’t look up. He takes one step into the room and closes the door. Derek can see that his face is still blotchy and that he’s visibly shaking. Why had he been crying? “Baby, what’s wrong?” He gets up to go him, to hold and comfort his boyfriend, to reassure him that they’ll be okay, that they still have the summer.

“I fucked up.” Stiles’ words don’t stop him. Was he hurt? Did he hurt someone? Whatever he did, it’ll be okay. Derek will help him. Whatever he needs. “Erica’s pregnant.”

Derek’s hands stop just short of Stiles’ hips. “Wha- what does that matter?” He’d noticed that Erica had appeared unwell, but when anyone asked about it, she hadn’t wanted to talk. “I mean it matters, of course it does, she’s our friend, but-” he wants to complete the distance between himself and Stiles but he can’t, feeling a growing pit of despair in his stomach. “I mean, I doubt Boyd would break up with her because of it. He’s in love wi-” He’s cut short as Stiles finally looks at him and he sees the truth in his eyes. His breath catches and his mind reels. He stumbles back and falls to the edge of his bed. “Wh-” his breathing speeds up and he can’t bring himself to ask the question. A question he already knows the answer to. He runs his hands down his face. He feels wetness on his face and in his hands as his fists clench in his lap. When did he start crying? He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and waits. 1-2-3. When he exhales, he asks his question. “When?”

He feels the bed dip as Stiles sits next to him. “In March. That weekend, the party.” Of course.

Looking over towards Stiles, but not at his face, at anything other than his face, he whispers, “Why?”

“I- I-” Stiles hunches over on himself and hangs his head low. “I was drunk.”

A hysterical laugh erupts from Derek followed by dry, wracking sobs. He wrenches away when he feels Stiles’ hand on his shoulder. “DON’T touch me!” He stands and walks over to his desk, gripping the sides so hard he could feel his nails clawing at the underside as if he were a werewolf. Breathing raggedly, he barely manages to get out, “how could you?! We had just broken up! I thought you- I heard you- and you still?” He turns and stalks back over to Stiles, who had now stood up from the bed. “Wh-Why didn’t you tell me? How could you not tell me?!” He searches Stiles’ eyes. 

“I tried,” Stiles whines.

“Y-” Derek shakes his head. “You tried.” His eyes narrow. “Obviously not hard enough.” His head falls back as he stares at the ceiling. Tears no longer spilling from his eyes, he just feels numb. He drops his head to stare at his boyfriend. “For 3 months you’ve kept this from me. 3 months Stiles. What am I supposed to do with this? Huh? You tried?!” 

“Derek, I-”

Derek holds his hand up to stop Stiles from speaking. “I’m assuming you just found out about this, the pregnancy, and that you haven’t been hiding that as well?” Stiles nods in affirmation. “Does Boyd know?”

“Yes.”

“And he knows it’s yours?”

“I guess she told him as soon as she found out.”

With resignation, Derek says, “Why didn’t she tell you right away?”

“I guess she didn’t want to because of-” Stiles gestures at Derek and clears his throat. “But there are these questions that the doctor had about the paternal medical history since she knew my mom died from something and…” He gives a half shrug. “And with her epilepsy, she didn’t want to take any chances on missing something important that they’d need to know for the baby.”

There’s a ringing in his ears and an overwhelming sense of sadness in his heart. “And she’s sure it’s yours?”

“She says Boyd always uses condoms and I didn’t have any on me…”

The ringing gets louder and louder. “You should go.”

“Der, please.” 

Derek looks into Stiles’ eyes and sees tears brimming. “Stiles, I-” He shakes his head. “I just- I need time to process this. I can’t even tell what am I’m angry about. The fact that you slept with someone? Do I even have a right to be angry? I mean we were broken up, I mean barely, but we were, but we also got back together right away? But it hurts. Does it hurt because I’m mad or does it hurt because you didn’t tell me...” He leans back against his desk, hands pulling at his hair. “God! I can’t- I don’t- and you just gave me some news that’s life changing. For you. You’re having a baby Stiles. You’re gonna be a father. And I- I don’t even know where I would begin to fit in with all that.” 

“That’s wh-”

“Stiles, I need to process this information before I can do whatever it is you need from me.”

“But I don’t ne-”

“Stiles.” Derek walks over to his bedroom door and opens it. 

Stiles walks to the door and pauses in front of him. Derek can feel Stiles’ eyes as they scan his face but he refuses to look up. “Okay, Der. Just- just call me when…” He feels a puff of air as Stiles blows out a breath. There’s a moment when he thinks Stiles is going to stay and pull him into one of his famous Stilinski hugs, but it passes and he closes the door when he can no longer hear Stiles’ footsteps down the hall. He walks over to his bed, not bothering to change out of his clothes and crawls under his blankets. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his gift to Stiles for graduation, tickets to a Mets game at Dodger Stadium as well as plane tickets to fly out with Derek when he goes apartment hunting. Tears start to well up and for the first time in probably 10 years, he cries himself to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He’s been doing a lot of thinking about what his future holds. His life was all mapped out and now that map looks like it had been run through a shredder, a shredder held by Stiles. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have to work the next few nights so i probably won’t be posting another chapter until thurs. i’m so sorry. but thank you so much for all of your comments and your support. i truly love all the feedback i’ve gotten. 
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

It’s been a week since the revelation of Stiles’ impending fatherhood. Derek has only seen Stiles in passing but has made sure to text him daily so that Stiles doesn’t do anything rash or impulsive while waiting for Derek to figure things out. He’s been doing a lot of thinking about what his future holds. His life was all mapped out and now that map looks like it had been run through a shredder, a shredder held by Stiles. He’s so mad. At Stiles, at himself. He feels entirely selfish right now being improperly jealous of a child that has yet to be born, a child that will hold all of Stiles’ attention, where Derek felt he held none. 

Derek has talked to his mother about it. As much as he wants his mother to placate him and tell him that everything will work out and things will be okay, he’s met with the harsh reality that this baby is going to change Stiles’ life and that there may not be enough room in it for Derek, at least not yet, not for a while. And that even if there was enough, did Stiles deserve him?

He knows he should speak to Stiles. Miscommunication happens when there’s, well, a lack of communication, but he just can’t bring himself to do what needs to be done. What’s already been done. He’s a coward. He wants to live in the safe imagery of his bedroom where he has pictures of the two of them, smiling, pinned on his bulletin board. Where can look in his closet and see the graphic tees and all the God-awful plaid that Stiles always leaves behind. Where Erica didn’t happen, so she’s not pregnant. Where he can close his eyes and imagine Stiles helping him find an apartment, going to that Mets game, and every winter, spring, and summer break spent in each others arms. But he can’t. 

Derek takes one last look in his mirror, one last glance over his room. He gathers up his papers and packs them in his bag, throwing it over his shoulder. He heads down the stairs and out the door. 

The drive to Stiles’ house is so much shorter than usual. Probably because he’s dreading the conversation he’s about to have. With a steel resolve he exits his car and trudges up the steps to knock on the front door. 

“Der.” Stiles whispers, face falling as he takes in the blank expression on Derek’s face. He pulls the door open and steps aside to let Derek walk past. “Do you wanna…?” Stiles points towards the stairs leading to his room. 

“I’m not staying. I just needed to talk to you before I go.” Derek walks over and takes a seat by at the dining room table.

“Go?” Stiles questions as he takes the seat next to him.

“Stiles.” Derek clears his throat before he continues. “Stiles, I’m going to talk at you right now. I have a lot of things that I need to say and I just need you to not- I need to get this out without you trying to stop me or interrupt, okay?” Stiles gives a brief nod. Taking a deep breath, Derek begins. “Stiles, I love you. I have loved you for years. When I moved here during middle school and you volunteered to walk me to my classes that first day and to show me around, I knew I wanted to be your friend. And you were. You became my best friend. And then freshman year, when Kate kissed me at that dance and you shoved her away because she didn’t ask for permission, I knew I wanted more. And the summer before our junior year when you admitted that you felt the same, I knew I wanted forever.” He reaches over and gently takes Stiles’ hands into his own, voice becoming thick with emotion. “These past 2 years have meant the world to me. You mean the world to me.” He looks over into amber eyes and studies his boyfriend’s face, dreading the words he has yet to say. 

Stiles clears his throat, slips his hands from Derek’s, and gets up from the table. He walks into the bathroom and brings over a roll of toilet paper. Stiles has always been intuitive when it comes to Derek, so it’s really no surprise when he says, “Sorry, I figure since you’re about to break-up with me, it’d be good to have some tissue.” He glances at Derek and nods for him to continue.

Derek knows what he wants to say, what he has to say. He knows the questions that he should ask. Why? How could you? But he already feels defeated and he doesn’t want to end things with a fight. “I’m sorry Stiles. I’m so so sorry. I just- this is going to- your life-” He feels his throat close up, but he knows he needs to continue. 

“Derek you have nothing to apologize for! Please, God, don’t- don’t apologize because I fucked up! Me! If I hadn’t- I did this to us.” His voice dropping to a whisper.

“I’m- I know, I just-” Words buzz in his head, all thoughts lost for a moment. Anger, sadness, guilt… all fighting to be the emotion that Derek projects. He takes a deep breath and releases a slow exhale to calm himself. “I’m apologizing for what I’m doing. For how selfish I’m being.” 

“You’re not-”

Derek stands and starts pacing. “My plans involved us, Stiles. Me and you. Not me, you, and your baby! God, I just!…” He stops and stares out of the window in the living room. Eyes scanning at the trees, trying to find something to focus on. “I don’t see how I’m going to fit into your life right now. I’m not a priority anymore, or at least I won’t be in about 6 months.” If he ever was, he thinks. 

Stiles walks up and stands next to him, pressing his forehead against the frame. “You’re not being selfish. I was self- am selfish. Wanting you, asking you t- I don’t even know what I would have asked. I’ve always wa-” Stiles’ voice cracks. “You would have always been a priority, Der.” Silence chokes the air before Stiles speaks again. “So what now? We have the rest of the summer? Until the baby comes?”

Derek shakes his head, refusing to meet Stiles’ eyes. “I’ve uh, I’ve actually changed all my flight info and my bag’s packed.” He looks away, head hung low. “My mom made some calls and has some apartments lined up for me to look at and I’ve sent in applications for some jobs.” 

“You’re running.” Stiles huffs out a laugh. “Pretty sure that’s my thing.”

“I’m not running.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Yeah, I am. I can’t be here and not- I love you. So much. But seeing you right now, looking at you, hurts. And then seeing you but not being with you, I just- I can’t.” His voice breaking.

“It’s alright, Der. You’re running towards something.” Stiles purses his lips when Derek shakes his head. “Will you- Do you think you’ll still be back for breaks?”

“I don’t-” Derek shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe? I mean, I doubt that my family will want to fly out each time, but I don’t know if I could handle…”

Stiles’ mouth turns down in a sad smile. “Yeah…”

Derek grabs Stiles by the biceps, bringing him close, and searches Stiles’ face, memorizing every last detail. “I love you Stiles.” He pulls the boy into a tight embrace.

“I love you…” 

They hold each other for what seems like hours before they hear the crunch of gravel announcing the arrival of the Sheriff. As the door opens, Derek releases Stiles. He nods at the Sheriff and walks out the door without a goodbye, knowing his voice would betray him. Before he pulls out of the driveway he looks up at the house and sees the Sheriff wrapped around Stiles who had fallen at his feet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He did it once, walking away, and it took every ounce of strength he had not to run back after seeing the Sheriff consoling his sobbing son, he knows that he wouldn’t be able to do it again. He knows now that he won’t be returning to Beacon Hills. Not for a long time. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so here’s the sitch… this might get long and rambly and run on sentencey so i apologize ahead of time. There have been some questions brought up and i’d like to take a moment to address some things and i hope i don’t come off as harsh because it is so not my intention, and i apologize if i do. 
> 
> So i wrote this in 3rd person using only derek’s knowledge, so if he doesn’t know something or if he assumes something, that’s what we’re going to see. If you’re wondering where i’m at with dereks headspace? Well, he’s pissed and he’s hurt and he’s confused. Nothing he’s doing is making sense to himself right now. He’s got tunnel vision when it comes to stiles and he doesn’t like change so he’s also scared. 
> 
> ~~With regards to erica and boyd, theirs was a side story that i did not have planned out. In fact, it wasn’t originally going to be erica that stiles slept with but its just where it ended up. So for the purposes of this fic and where my headspace is we’re going to go with they were not dating and had not been dating. everyone just assumed. But how did their friends not know, you ask, well the trio of erica, isaac, and boyd essentially keep to themselves but are friendly with stiles’ group of friends, though not enough that any of them share those finer details. The fight between the two stemmed from the fact that they had slept together recently and were avoiding each other in the aftermath. I cannot say why she slept with stiles that night because i just don’t know, again it was not properly planned out, i am sorry. So back to her and boyd, she went to boyd that weekend and told him about sleeping with stiles. She felt guilty about how it would make him feel and how it would make derek feel. After talking it over with him, they decide to try dating (when i was in school it was fairly common for people to serial date each other after being with other people, i never did it, but yeah) so they start dating.~~ or come up with whatevs since i suck at a proper backstory for these two :)
> 
> i hope to have any stiles questions answered when they see each other in the future.
> 
> for any questions about the baby, i will say that at this point no, they do not know for certain that stiles is the father (paternity will be determined after the baby is born, this is erica's choice). in fact, boyd and erica originally weren't even going to tell him, in hopes that boyd was the father, but they needed his medical history for the baby just in case he is. yes, i know, its an assholey thing to do, please don't hate me. and just in case it comes up, erica did not go to her first appointment until she was almost 10 weeks because she was scared to tell her parents, which is why it was graduation by the time she told stiles. yes she could have waited until after graduation but once she found out about the importance of the medical history she didn't play games. also, remember... apparently my mind is an asshole. 
> 
> As for std’s. Yes, derek gets tested, but i didn’t really have anywhere to fit that in. it’s during the week that he doesn’t see stiles. Another thing he’s angry about but won’t admit to. it was negative in case you're wondering. Did stiles get tested? Yes, but derek doesn’t know that because he hadn’t asked, not sure if he will.
> 
> Heres a fun fact, i am actually working on 2 other stories right now. Like i have proper term paper outlines typed up and rough drafts started. This story however started because i was freezing my ass off at my kids soccer game and was eyeballing the blanket that the lady next to me had wrapped around her and thought oh wouldn’t that be a cute story. Two people keeping warm by sharing a blanket, which naturally led me to sterek. And then i thought, oh what if they had dated when they were younger---> but why did they break up?? So in all actuality this was supposed to be a short one shot about 2 men coming together after years apart and it led to this thing that i have subjected you to :) nothing was properly outlined, i just had words flowing from my brain and because of that there are inconsistencies. 
> 
> Nothing i write is properly edited, let alone this, especially considering i’m trying to get it out as fast as i can so that i can get back to my other stories. I hope i was able to answer any questions that you may have and that i didn’t inadvertently give you more… I again apologize for my word vomit and hopefully you enjoy the story as it continues. 
> 
> also, my schedule for the next couple of days is chaotic so i won't be posting again until atleast thursday evening. and quick question?? do i keep the tag for au-hs if they're not going to be in hs anymore??
> 
> ~Dori
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

Derek wakes with a start as his alarm blares to life. He rubs at his chest absently, a phantom pain in his heart. His dream still fresh in his mind. The same dream he’s had every night for 2 months. It was of the last time he had seen Stiles. 

*****  
_He flew back to Beacon Hills after getting settled into his apartment. He still had a week until he was supposed to start at the coffee shop near campus, so he had wanted to spend it with his family._

_Laura and Cora decided to take him out to the movies to see some showing about a boy and a maze. He could barely watch the screen as the actor reminded him too much of Stiles. Stiles who was currently sitting 3 rows down from them, Scott on one side with Erica and Boyd on the other. He wanted to leave but was too afraid that Stiles would see him._

_A girl appeared on the screen when he finally decided that he couldn’t be there anymore. Whispering his apologies to his sisters, he rushes from the theater. He takes a minute and just stands against the wall before he pushes off to use the bathroom before going back to his parent’s house. As he exits the bathroom, he sees a familiar figure standing down the hall._

_The boy looks up as he tries to pass by. “Derek.”_

_“Hi Stiles.” He wants to move away but his feet betray him._

_“I didn’t know you were back.”_

_He shakes his head. “I’m not really. Just for the week. I fly back home on friday. Start my job soon so I wanted to...” He trails off, not sure why he’s explaining himself to Stiles._

_“How’s- how’s it going? How’re you doing?”_

_“I’m fine, Stiles.”_

_“That’s good. That’s- I’m glad. I heard that you found a place right away. I didn’t know about the job but I guess... it’s not really my place anymore is it? To know?” Derek gives a small shake of his head. “I wanna- I wanna be- could we, I mean? Be friends? Ever, do you think?”_

_“You hurt me, Stiles. I heard what you said at the party. I know you didn’t really wanna break-up so I don’t know why you still slept-” He huffs out a breath. “Maybe if you would have told me about-” He closes his eyes and shrugs. “Maybe I could have handled the idea of a baby if I had known about the possibility that it could happen. I know that it might not be fair of me to be upset that you slept with her. But I am. I know that it wouldn’t even have mattered had we not gotten back together. But we did. We did and you didn’t tell me.” He looks down the hall, through the doors, towards the parking lot. “I ca- I’m not ready. I can’t be your friend when all I can see is- is-” He clenches his jaw. “You were my future. And now you’re not.” He walks away before Stiles can respond. He can’t look back, afraid of what he’ll see. It’s always been in his nature to protect Stiles from anything, from everything that would cause him pain, including Derek himself. He did it once, walking away, and it took every ounce of strength he had not to run back after seeing the Sheriff consoling his sobbing son, he knows that he wouldn’t be able to do it again. He knows now that he won’t be returning to Beacon Hills. Not for a long time. ___

__*****_ _

__He wonders when his chest will stop aching at the thought of Stiles. It’s only been a couple of months so he knows realistically it won’t be anytime soon. With a groan, he sets about to start his morning. Workout, coffee, shower. Usually work would follow, but it’s his first day of classes._ _

__He’s not yet received his parking pass so he has to hop on the city bus to take him to campus. He stares absently out the window watching as the city buzzes with life. He goes over his schedule in his head, mentally mapping out his route. After orientation, he had made it a point to walk around campus familiarizing himself with everything so he wouldn’t get lost when looking for his classes._ _

__Getting off the bus, he heads in the direction of the university bookstore to pick up some books that he had on hold and then to the coffee shop to grab another cup of coffee for some energy to get him through his day. When he enters the shop he sees his friend Jordan behind the counter. Derek steps up and begins tapping his fingers on the glass to get the man's attention._ _

__“Derek! Missed you this morning buddy. Don’t think I’m gonna like your new schedule if it means I’ve got to work this shift.”_ _

__He chuckles at his friend. “Sorry man, but school comes first.”_ _

__“It’s like daggers to my heart Derek, I thought you cared about me?” Jordan turns to pour steaming black liquid into a mug. He slides the cup to Derek when he’s done. “How long you got?” Derek pulls out his phone to check the time but doesn’t have a chance when Jordan snatches it from his hand. “Whoa! What’s this? When did you change your screensaver?” He says as he scans Derek’s phone screen._ _

__Derek lays his palm out, face up waiting for Jordan to return his phone. “I don’t know. A couple of weeks ago.” The previous picture had been his favorite of Stiles, eyes downcast staring at the puppy held tightly against his chest as it licked at his chin. Now it’s of a beautiful sunrise, to remind him of the wonder of each new day._ _

__“Proud of you man.” Jordan leans slightly over the counter and gives a brief tap on Derek’s shoulder with his fist. “Maybe now you’ll take me up on my offer. I mean you just gotta meet her, Derek. I really think you’d hit it off.” He wiggles his eyebrows._ _

__Derek swats Jordan’s hand away with a smirk on his face. “Who? Your friend? The cellist? I don’t know, Jordan. Maybe…” Derek stands to the side as a customer enters the shop, allowing Jordan to work._ _

__When the customer leaves Jordan looks back to Derek. “Listen, no pressure man. I just think you’d fit. And I mean come on, you’re already memorizing little details about her.” His eyes wide, alight with laughter._ _

__Derek’s shake his head, body shaking as he suppresses a chuckle. “We’ll see, alright? We’ll see…” He turns to head towards the door and says, “right now I just wanna get through my first day.” He looks back and waves at his friend before he pushes through the door, exiting the building, and begins to head towards his destination._ _

__He’s a little early for his first class but the professor let’s them enter the lecture hall and choose their seats. He looks around at the various expressions of his fellow classmates. Some eager, some tired, some bored. He feels a tingle as fingers touch his bare arm in a gentle tap, trying to get his attention. He feels a flutter in his heart when he looks up into sparkling brown eyes, the color of chestnuts._ _

__The girl pulls her hand back. “Is this seat taken?” She gestures down at the seat beside him. There’s a twitch of her lips, like she’s fighting a smile._ _

__“N- no, uh go ahead.” The girl sits and begins to unpack her bag. Derek studies her for a moment. Noting the long, wavy brown hair, a striking contrast against her pale skin, the mole that sits below her eye drawing his eyes back up to their radiance. He offers her a small smile when she turns to face him. “Hi, I’m Derek.”_ _

__Her face brightens at his introduction. He can see a faint blush on her cheeks as she tucks her hair behind her ear. He feels a warmth spread through his heart when she smiles at him. He thinks she’s beautiful. “Hi Derek. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Paige.”_ _


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It had been 6 years since Derek left Beacon Hills. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, so i read my notes on the last chapter and i realize that lack of sleep makes me much more direct so i apologize if i came off as rude... 
> 
> anywho... there's only so much editing i can do when i don't actually know what i'm doing so here's a new chapter :) i'm sure i'll find any and all mistakes AFTER i post lol
> 
> hopefully i'll be able to get another chapter out tonight and i should have this all completed by this weekend, yay!!
> 
> happy reading :)
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

It had been 6 years since Derek left Beacon Hills. The first few years were not as hard as he expected. His family had gone easy on him, opting to visit him in New York for the holidays, occasionally bringing Kira. They were kind enough not to bring up the topic of Stiles unless Derek asked about him, which was rare. So he had gone about his life. Working, going to class, meeting new people, and making friends. And then there was Paige. 

From that first class, they had grown close. It was completely coincidental that she was who Jordan had tried to set him up with. They walked around each other for about a month before Derek got the nerve to officially ask her out. She was the breath of fresh air that he had needed. They talked about school, friends, family, their pasts. It was only a 6 month relationship but it was a lasting friendship. For the few months that they were together she helped him to realize what he deserved out of a partner, what he had been missing with Stiles, honesty and respect. As his friend, she helped him work through his misplaced guilt and anger, properly taking the blame from himself and the baby, and assigning it to Stiles. 

He tried to stay focused on his studies but every once in a while someone would catch his eye. From Jennifer with her full lips and soft curves to Theo and the broad expanse of his chest, and hard muscles. He would go out on dates with classmates or have random hookups with people he met at work or at clubs, but while his heart was no longer broken, it was still bruised. He wasn’t ready. So the years continued to pass and he missed some family holidays, mainly because of work and studying, but maybe a little because he knew that Stiles would be there. 

He graduated after 4 years with a business degree. He was originally going to work with his family in Beacon Hills, but still couldn’t quite find it in him to return. So he sent out applications, and while it took a few months, he eventually found a job suited to his talents. After a year he was sent to a neighboring city for a work conference. It was there that he met Braeden and was immediately enraptured. It was a whirlwind of an affair only to be halted when they talked about the future and she admitted that she wasn’t looking to settle down. But from that relationship, he realized that he was ready, he didn’t want random dates or hookups anymore, he wanted forever.

It was another 6 months when he felt the call to return to Beacon Hills, New York no longer holding the same appeal, so he gave notice to his current employer, apologizing for his abrupt decision. Jordan and Paige took him out for a goodbye dinner, and he vowed to keep in touch with his New York family.

~~~~~

He’s not sure why, but his heart thrums in excitement as he passes the welcome sign. He feels a peace settle over him as he realizes that he’s finally home. Derek drives through downtown, passing the tall industrial buildings and the little shops, past the video store and the diner. He drives through the preserve to his parents house where he’ll be staying until he finds an apartment. He’s greeted with the sight of his family waiting by the driveway. 

As he puts the camaro in park, his door is thrown open and Laura pulls him from the car. “DEREK!” She almost crushes his bones with the intensity of her hug. 

He’s probably seen her the least since leaving, since she’d started her own family, it saddens him a little. But he’s back now. “Hey Laura.” He smiles into her hair. 

He feels her release him, only to be pulled into a group hug with Cora and his parents. “It’s been far too long, Derek.” He can hear his mother sniffle. 

“I know mom, I’m sorry.”

“Welcome home, son.” His father pulls back and stares over his face. “You look good, better.”

“Yeah, I, uh, New York was good. It was good. What I needed.” 

He feels Cora ruffle her fingers through his beard. “Does New York equal lumberjack or something? What is this?” 

He swats her hand away with a smile on his face. “I decided to try something new.” He lets himself be led into the house.

“Can you try something else? We do have a dress code in the office. I’m pretty sure there’s something about personal grooming.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.”

They gather in the kitchen and his parents begin making dinner. He catches up on town gossip with his sisters while they work. After dinner, he heads up to his room. It’s like a shrine to 18 year old Derek. The only thing missing is the dust. He puts his bag on his bed and begins to unpack. Getting some hangars out of the closet he notices how much his fashion sense has changed, looking from the cargo pants and t-shirts in his closet down to the tight jeans and henley on his body. He looks at the empty space in his closet and realizes that someone had emptied all of Stiles’ clothes. He expects it to feel like a slap in the face, but is pleasantly surprised when it’s just a dull ache in his chest. 

“I hope it’s okay? That we did that?”

He looks over his shoulder at Laura standing in the doorway. “Yeah, thank you.”

She points to the floor of the closet where there was a backpack and a pile of clutter. “We didn’t know everything that was his, or what you wanted to keep so we pretty much just stuck to the clothes.” She walks over to his dresser where his bulletin board is laid atop. She pulls off an envelope. “We tried giving this to him. Figured, why waste the ‘em, but he wouldn’t take them.”

He takes it from her hand and opens it. Inside are the tickets to the long forgotten Mets game. The plane tickets had been transferred for his parent’s to fly out and visit. “Yeah I couldn’t-” 

Laura places her hand over his. “Is this okay, Derek. Are you really okay? I know there’s this unspoken agreement to not talk about him, but he’s still here... you know that right?” She narrows her eyes, full of concern.

He sits on the corner of his childhood bed. “I know. I know he is.” He looks up at his sister. “I’ve kept tabs through Kira. So I know. You don’t have to- No one needs to walk on eggshells around me. Not anymore, not for a while.”

“Good.” She ruffles his hair. He chuckles. “I’m glad your back Der. We’ve missed you.” She places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes gently before she turns and leaves his room.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Derek shudders at the cold, smoke in front of his face as he breathes out. He wonders if he would look weird if he pulls his arms out of his sleeves to wrap around his body. Before he has a chance, he feels a tingle at his back, a warm familiar presence coming up behind him. “Need a blanket?”_
> 
> _He turns and looks into eyes of liquid gold. His heart skips a beat. “Stiles.” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like, i see sometimes, some stories tagged 'unbetad' or the author writes in the notes that the story is 'unbetad', like what's a beta? is that someone who will look over my shoulder and read what i write, point at the screen, smack me on the head, and yell 'see that, dori, don't do that!' or tell me what needs to be fixed? cause i might need one of those lol
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

It takes another month before he runs into Stiles. He’s seen him randomly while out. But never face to face. Usually he sees him in his deputy’s vehicle while working. Once, Derek saw when he pulled Coach Finstock over for speeding, and then there was the time the electrical grid went out and Stiles was directing traffic downtown. The closest that he’s been was when he was leaving the grocery store parking lot, driving by the entrance just as Stiles was walking into the store. 

Today is different though. Kira had volunteered to take her neighbors kids, a rambunctious pair of kindergarteners named Liam and Mason, to their weekend soccer games whenever their parent’s had to work. Unfortunately her car broke down and she enlists Derek’s help for a ride. He pulls into the park and finds a spot close to the field. Kira wrangles the kids from the back and walks with them to find their coach. “There’s bleachers if you wanna sit. Otherwise we can stand near the sidelines.” She calls over her shoulder.

He nods as he looks towards the bleachers. The temperature is low this fall morning so he’ll just stand, not wanting his butt to freeze on the cold aluminum. He probably should have brought a coat, his thin hoodie barely acting as a barrier against the frigid air.

He sees people on the bleachers talking to each other, laughter filling the air. He sees the kids on the field kicking the ball around before the game begins. Kira flags him down and points towards a small building, mouthing ‘bathroom’ as she walks towards it. Back on the field he sees a little girl run by. “Emma!” He hears a familiar voice call out. “Emma Jean Stilinski! You’re-” His eyes turn toward the man as he walks briskly towards the little girl. Stiles. His breath catches and there’s a small pang in his heart, but not painful, more like when the feeling you get remembering a happy time. He can’t hear what is said to the little girl, but he sees a water bottle being passed to the child. Derek looks out at them, father and daughter. He can’t see her eyes, but he notices that she has his brown hair, but it’s long and wavy like her mother. Marks speckle over her face and he can see her scrunch her upturned nose at whatever her father is telling her. There’s a hug and she kisses his cheek.

Derek turns away. Not because he doesn’t want Stiles to see him, but because he doesn’t want to get caught staring. He sees Kira walk up. “I’m so sorry Derek, I swear I didn’t know he’d be here. They alternate weekends and he usually just drops Emma off.” 

Derek looks down at his friend. “It’s fine, really. I haven’t… I’ve been okay about it, for a while now. You know that.”

“I know but it’s still different when you see them face to face.”

A whistle blows signifying the start of the game. He looks around but doesn’t see Stiles. Maybe he left, only staying to make sure his daughter had hydration. Kira stands a little closer to the sidelines, yelling affirmations to the team. Derek shudders at the cold, smoke in front of his face as he breathes out. He wonders if he would look weird if he pulls his arms out of his sleeves to wrap around his body. Before he has a chance, he feels a tingle at his back, a warm familiar presence coming up behind him. “Need a blanket?”

He turns and looks into eyes of liquid gold. His heart skips a beat. “Stiles.”

“It’s called inflection Derek. You should seriously look it up.” He appears nervous, but there’s a smile on his lips when he tilts his head and squints up at Derek, the sun in his eyes. They stare at each other, Derek looking at the minute differences in the man before him and the boy from his memory, he can only assume that Stiles is doing the same. “It’s been a while.”

Derek shoves his hands in his pocket. “Yeah.” There’s a weightless silence as memories flood his mind.

Cheers bring them out of their reverie. Stiles clears his throat. “Well, I should-” he kicks his feet towards the field. “I just saw you were cold and figured…” He holds up a blanket. “I’m not- I don’t- you look like you need it more than me,” he says gesturing at Derek’s ill-advised attire. 

“Oh. Yeah. Thank you, Stiles.” He takes the blanket as it’s handed to him. Stiles gives a nod and small smile before walking closer to the sidelines.

Derek does his best to focus on the game, cheering on both teams when a good kick or pass is made, and when a goal is scored. During half time, Kira introduces Derek to a couple who was newly transplanted from Maine. When the game continues, they talk about the differences between the east and west coast. It’s not long before the game is over and the spectators all line the field as the players run by getting high fives, followed with a ‘good game’. Derek can see Stiles waiting off to the side, by the goal, for his daughter. He walks over. 

“Thanks for the save,” he says handing him back his blanket. 

Stiles gives him a shy smile. “Yeah no problem.” Stiles looks like he wants to say something but his daughter runs up yelling for her father, so Derek gives him a nod and walks back to the car to take Kira and the kids back to their house. 

After that weekend, Derek sees Stiles everywhere. Okay, well that’s an exaggeration but after having zero contact, it seems like it. Stiles isn’t at the game the next weekend but Derek had already seen him in the diner when he was out with Laura. And then at the post office when he mailed Paige her birthday gift. The next few weeks go by like that, just quick conversations in passing. It’s during their last encounter that Stiles asks Derek to hang out.

“What are you doing Wednesday? Like, lunchtime?” Derek gives him a questioning look. “I mean like, you’ve gotta eat right and I’ve gotta eat, I figure we could do that. Eat. You know, together.” Derek opens his mouth to answer, but then closes it when he doesn’t have an answer. Another moment passes before Stiles continues. “I just- it’s been great talking and seeing you again. I figured we could hang out…” Stiles shrugs nonchalantly and puts his hands in his pockets. “I mean I get it if you don’t want to, I just thought- I don’t know, we’ve been friendly with each other. Maybe we could try again.” Stiles’s eyes go wide, probably with the realization of what he implied and starts flailing his arms. “Not like- not like that. Not that I- I just- friends, we could try to be friends.”

Derek reaches up and grips Stiles by the shoulders before the man works himself up into a panic attack. “Stiles.” Hearing his name snaps the man out of his rant. “Stiles. We can have lunch. That’s fine. What were you thinking?” Stiles calls out some options and the men make plans to hang out. 

By the time Wednesday comes, Derek has had long serious conversations with both Kira and every member of his family about his ‘date’ with Stiles.

“Dammit Laura, I said it’s not a date! We’re just hanging out, catching up.” Derek exclaims at his sister during breakfast. 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt again Derek.”

“It’s not like that. I mean yes, I still love him. But not like that. Not anymore. It’s more like he’s a good friend.”

“But do- I’ve just seen you over these past few weeks. Now that you and Stiles are talking again, you’re happier.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” He throws up his hands in question.

“No, I just- ugh!” She groans in frustration. “I’m not saying this right. It’s not a bad thing, you being happy, obviously. It’s just- I mean, have you guys even talked about what happened? Are you just gonna forget how much pain he caused you? He made you run away, Derek.”

“I didn’t run away, Laura. I was always leaving. You know that. If none of that had ever happened, I was still leaving.”

“But you would have come back sooner!” 

He looks over at his sister, she has tears in her eyes. “Laura…” he says her name with sadness.

“You may have forgiven and forgotten, but I haven’t.”

“I haven’t forgotten, Laura. I haven’t. It’s just been so long. It’s not even that I’m over it, I just- I’m just not mad or upset about it, it’s not- Do we need to talk about it? Yes we do. Am I gonna leave if I don’t like what he has to say? No… That relationship is gone, dead and buried. We’re different now. Or at least I’m different now. I’m just learning about this Stiles. And maybe he is the same. I don’t know. But I know that I like him and that I want to get to know him and maybe be friends.”

“I just don’t want you rushing head first into the stilesandderek show, okay? It ended badly. Like the final episode of ‘how i met your mother’.”

Derek barks out a laugh. “Yeah that was pretty bad. When I watch, I just don’t play that one.”

“See that! I don’t want you to do that! You can’t look back at your relationship and just skip the end. You cried for that whole week, Derek. You were so mad, you punched a hole in the wall when we suggested you get tested! And then you left! We should have had 3 more months!” 

They sit in staring at the ground, he can hear Laura trying to calm her breathing. Derek clears his throat. “I did.”

Laura looks up at him. “What?”

“I got- ahem, got tested. I went.” 

“Oh. Good.”

“It was negative. In case you were wondering.”

A nervous laugh bursts from Laura that soon turns into sobs. Derek’s arms circle his sisters shoulders pulling her into a hug. “I just- I missed you. And you- you missed so much.”

He kisses her head and whispers, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t-“

“I know Der. I just want you to be careful. Okay? Promise me?”

He cups her face and places a kiss on her forehead. “I promise.” 

His conversation with Laura plays in his mind when he pulls up at the diner, next to the empty powder blue Jeep that tells him Stiles is already inside. 

“You came.” He’s met with a surprised look as he sits across from Stiles.

“Why wouldn’t I have come?”

“Because I don’t deserve it.”

Their waitress comes over to take their drink order before Derek can respond, and then Stiles drops the subject by talking about a movie he recently saw with Scott. The rest of lunch goes smoothly and plans are made for a movie the following week.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Derek wants to say something. Wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to, they don’t have to talk about it. But he can’t bring himself to, he wants to hear it, needs to hear why everything happened. To bring proper closure to their former relationship. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess i don't know when to stop?? happy reading!
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

An easy friendship blooms between the men in the weeks that follow. Meeting for dinner or at a bar. Sometimes by themselves, sometimes with their friends. Stiles even helps Derek move into the loft he purchased in downtown. It’s about a month later and they’re walking through the park after dropping off lunch for the Sheriff when Derek broaches the subject. He stops them at a bench and sits.

“Stiles, I wanted to talk to you something.”

“Sure thing. What’s up?”

“That first lunch we had… when I asked you why you thought I wouldn’t show. You said because you don’t deserve it?” He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, but is interrupted.

“Derek, I-” Stiles blows out a breath. “We’ve never talked about what happened. About what I did. I mean not really. And I- I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. I mean, I know your family’s here so I would “see” you, maybe, eventually, but to actually talk to you and hang out with you… I didn’t think it’d ever happen, that I’d get the chance.” 

Derek wants to say something. Wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to, they don’t have to talk about it. But he can’t bring himself to, he wants to hear it, needs to hear why everything happened. To bring proper closure to their former relationship. 

“I am so sorry for how I acted. All I have are excuses and none of them are good. I mean there’s not ever really a good reason to act like an asshole. But I was scared. You’re so much better than me, Derek. You always have been. From the moment I met you, I knew you were special. I damn near jumped out of my seat to help you because you looked so lost and confused and vulnerable that first day and I- I just wanted to… I don’t know, protect you? And after that, after getting to know you, I knew I needed you in my life.” 

There’s a moment of silence as Stiles’ words hang between them. “You were a constant in my life from the beginning. You were there for me when my mom died, and then when my dad started drinking. You’d been there for every big moment… When you got that letter, I- I-” He runs his hands down his face. “I know what you had planned for us, coming back when you could, but-” He lets out a shaky breath. “It’s not a good excuse. Like I said I don’t think any excuse is a good excuse, but I was terrified. Terrified that you were gonna meet someone and not come home. I know I should have talked you about it. But it was just so loud. In my head. Like…”

“A ringing?”

“Yes! Like I couldn’t think properly and it wouldn’t stop. And I knew it was wrong, pushing you away. But you’re so damn- ugh! I knew that you wouldn’t want to break-up, that you wouldn’t let me let you go. But no matter how much I pushed, you stayed… and I- God! With Erica, I don’t know, I- her and Boyd were fighting, or something, and I don’t know, I was- I knew it would hurt you.” Stiles hangs his head in shame, his voice goes quiet. “I didn’t know that you heard. That night at the party, that you heard me. I didn’t even know you were there until I saw you out the window. You smiled at me. And as much as I regretted breaking up with you, as much as… when I saw your smile I knew it was the right thing. Maybe not the right way to go about it, but you deserved to go and be able to concentrate on school and your life, your future, without me.” Derek sees a tear fall from Stiles’ eyes. “I didn’t mean to sleep with her. It was never- It wasn’t what I had planned for that night. I just wanted to forget. Forget Columbia. Forget my stupidity. So I drank and I drank. I thought about us and I was gonna tell Scott that I wasn’t gonna- that I was gonna- I was gonna let you go. That was my decision. So I kept drinking. And then she was there. And it’s not an excuse, it’s not. It’s just what happened. And I’m so sorry.”

Stiles wipes at his eyes and Derek scratches at his face. The memories are there and they hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me then, after? About Erica? When we got back together. Why did you take me back and not tell me?” He can’t hear what’s mumbled. “Stiles.” The man looks up at Derek. Hazel eyes search amber eyes, looking for answers.

“I was selfish… You came back so easily, too easily, Derek. And I couldn’t let go. Not again. I wanted to tell you. That day. We were supposed to talk later, but then when later came… I was selfish and couldn’t- I couldn’t risk losing you. I tried to be better for you. With the letters and notes and the- I thought it would make up for- but it was stupid. I was so fucking stupid. But we were good again, so good. And I thought we’d just continue, do- follow your plan… but the minute she told me, I knew. I knew we were over. You had taken me back too easily, there’s no way you were truly okay with what had happened, you were just- you compartmentalize too well. But that. That would break the walls and we’d be done. It’s why I avoided you, I wanted more time before you’d hate me. That and I really, I needed to talk to my dad.”

Derek lets the words wash over him, taking in all the emotion flowing from the man sitting next to him. He wants to placate his friend, but they don’t yet have that level of ease.

“I wasn’t going to go to graduation at all. My dad said he’d understand. But he’d been looking forward to it, seeing me walk across stage, and I was already disappointing so many people that I couldn’t- it’s never going to make sense because it barely makes sense to me and I’m the one that did it. And that night. I was only going to tell you and take whatev- whatever you wanted to say or do. Yell at me, hit me. I was gonna take it. I deserved it. I was never gonna- I never expected anything of you. I hope you know that. I was only ever going to tell you, tell you everything.”

Derek lets his thoughts form. He turns to Stiles, their knees gently bumping. “It hurt. For a long time it hurt.” Derek continues on, explaining his feelings. And they just talk, and talk, and talk. It’s nightfall when Derek returns home.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Kira, we don’t flirt, we’re just friends.”_
> 
> _“Uh huh. That’s why you kept guys kept brushing up against each other the last time we went to the movies.” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::insert something quippy here:: bahahaha... i'm not funny. sorry. 
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

Derek’s not sure how he got talked into going to the bar, but Lydia had insisted that since he’d been back for 6 months they hadn’t had proper bonding time, and she’s pretty damn hard to turn down. Her new boyfriend and his brother had just moved to Beacon Hills and she wanted Derek to meet them. The reason was obvious enough when Derek was introduced to Ethan, and Lydia would give him side glances and nudge him into conversation with the man. While he rolled his eyes at her lack of subtlety, it was nice to meet someone new.

They went on a few dates, but while Ethan was kind and funny, there was a spark missing. And it became blaringly obvious when he saw the chemistry between Ethan and Danny at a party a couple of weeks later, so they broke it off. He tried speaking to Kira about it. 

“Is there something wrong with me? Am I expecting too much?”

“No Derek. You can’t just- either there’s a connection or there‘s not. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”

I just, I watch you and Scott, Laura and her husband, hell even my parents. And I want that. I miss it. That feeling. The last person I felt that way about, or I mean it was heading that way, was Braeden, but…” 

“What about, I mean, you and Stiles have gotten pretty close again?”

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Stiles. Really? Didn’t you lecture me once when we started hanging out? You and Laura both. Actually everybody did.”

“Yeah but you guys are friends now and you’ve talked about everything right?”

“Yeah but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re gonna get together.”

“You’ve been flirting a lot lately. I mean, before Ethan.”

“We don’t flirt!” He says incredulously. 

“Well not now! Though you could again since you’re not dating Ethan.”

“Kira, we don’t flirt, we’re just friends.”

“Uh huh. That’s why you kept guys kept brushing up against each other the last time we went to the movies.”

“The arm rest was up! I lean to my right!” She raises an eyebrow with a look on her face that screams ‘yeah right’. He pushes on her forehead. “Put those away, eyebrows are my thing!”

“Derek. As your best friend, it’s my job to poi-“ 

“I- I- am not speaking to you anymore.” He crosses his arms and faces away like the apparent 2 year old he is.

“Do you love him? Still?”

He lets out a big sigh. “I’ve always loved him. I’ll always love him. But I don’t know if I could be IN love with him. Not again.”

“Why not?”

“He hurt me.”

“Does it still hurt? Now?”

“No but…”

“Then what’s the problem? I thought you guys talked about everything.”

“We did. We did. And it doesn’t hurt, not really. I mean, it doesn’t. When I think back it’s more like an ache, of what could have been, if none of that had happened. Besides, I mean, who’s to say he feels the same? He never mentions anyone but we don’t really do that, talk about his love life.”

“That’s because he doesn’t have one, Derek.” He scrunches his face in confusion. “When you guys broke up, he… I don’t know. For a while I thought he was dating this girl but then I found out that they were support buddies or something from therapy? I don’t know. After that I watched him. He doesn’t date. Like ever. You can ask Scott. He’s never- Listen, I’m not saying this so that you go running to him or anything, and I’m only saying this now because you’re friends now and have actually talked but like, he went through a lot. Between the baby and you… we didn’t see him for a while. He wouldn’t let us in. We only knew he was, well not okay, but like, God, you know, I don’t even know a word to describe how he was, but the Sheriff let us know that he was working through things.” 

“You never said anything. When I asked about him.”

“Because I know you Derek. You would have come back. I saw how hard it was for you to leave. And it wouldn’t have been good for you, or him. I mean, that would have been such a horrible relationship. Because that’s what would have happened. The two of you would have just jumped headfirst back into that shit show.”

“It wasn’t-“

“No, not all of it. But the end? I mean we were all glad you had gotten back together but we also thought you had talked about the break-up and don’t even get me started on Erica.”

“Aww, did you fight for my honor?”

“And see! That! That’s why I mention him now. Because you can joke about this. You’ve grown, he’s grown. I mean, if you don’t wanna be with him, if you don’t have those feelings, then I mean of course, like that’s fine. I’m just going off of what I see.” 

“Do you really think he? I mean that he still feels that way?”

“It’s been almost 7 years, Derek. There’s a reason he’s never dated.” 

Derek spends the night thinking about abut Kira’s words. And then the next day. And the week, and a month. He still sees Stiles but now he pays closer attention to the man. The small glances when he thinks he’s not looking. How he always chooses to sit next to Derek. The way their hands brush as they walk, when Stiles punches him the shoulder for telling little Emma about the crazy things her dad did when he was a kid. “Dammit Der, she’s supposed to think I’m perfect!” And his heart flutters with the way Stiles slipped back into calling him Der. His heart beats a little faster with every look, every touch. 

It’s not until they’re alone in Derek’s apartment, looking at pictures Scott sent of himself trying to bathe a malamute, that anything happens. They’re leaning against each other, practically curled in each other’s laps, doubled over in laughter. “Oh my God! He’s!” Stiles slaps at this thighs, barking like a seal. “And the dog!” He clutches his stomach. 

Derek tried to catch his breath, throat burning. “Why would he even!” Uncontrollable laughter fills the loft.

As their breathing regulates they look at each other. Smiles huge. There’s a twinkle in Derek’s eyes as he watches the blush on the man's cheeks, going down his neck, and under his shirt. Suddenly he feels a hard press of lips, teeth clacking together. The breath is knocked out of him. Then not a moment later, nothing. He looks up into wide eyes, that appear scared. “Ohmygod! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” Stiles scrambles off the couch. “I shouldn’t have- I sho- I’m so sorry.”

Stiles is almost to the door when Derek comes up behind him and turns him by the elbow. “Stiles.”

Stiles lets out a nervous chuckle and says sheepishly, “inflection Der…” He looks down at his feet. “I’m sorry. About that. I shouldn’t have. It’s not my-“

Derek steps forward, placing himself against Stiles. “Don’t.” He tilts his head down, so that their foreheads touch. He brings his hands up to lay them on Stiles’ sides. “Don’t apologize.” 

Both men just stand there, leaning against each other, heavy breaths in the air. “Der?” Stiles swallows thickly. “Do you think? Could you? I mean ever again?”

“I do, Stiles. I already do. I never stopped.” He closes the distance to Stiles’ lips. It’s met with resistance at first, like Stiles is unsure, but then he feels when Stiles lets go. There’s a slight part in his lips and Derek uses the opportunity to press in, gently licking and then sucking at his bottom lip. He feels a rumble against him as Stiles moans with his whole body. It’s hot and heavy and perfect. The slide of tongue against tongue. The feel of warm skin beneath his fingers as he slides his hands under Stiles’ shirt, over his hips. No one has ever fit so perfectly against him. Like his body was made for him. 

Stiles pulls away and rests his head on Derek’s chest, he’s panting, trying to catch his breath. “We need to- we should- not like this. I don’t wanna- this is too fast.” 

Derek brings his hands up to cup Stiles’ face. He brushes his thumbs over his cheeks, and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. “Okay,” he whispers. “Okay.”

They stand there, just holding each other. Stiles looks up into Derek’s eyes. “I should go.”

“No.”

“Der-“

“We can stop. We don’t ha-“

“I don’t want to mess this up. Not again. I need to do this right. And if I stay- I don’t make the best decisions when it comes to you, to us. And I won’t- I can’t risk it again.” Stiles trails his hand up Derek’s chest and places it over his heart. “I love you Derek.” Stiles pushes away and leaves the loft.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“But I saw you. You were so hurt. Why do that again? The possibility of pain. Why go through that?”_
> 
> _“For love, Jordan. For love.”_
> 
> _“Yeah but is it worth it?”_
> 
> _“It’s always worth it.” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and it's DONE! this story was literally supposed to be 2 men who see each other after 12 years apart and reconnect sharing a blanket at a soccer game, but my mind went crazy (j/k it's always been crazy) and grew into this monstrosity :) 
> 
> *i keep mentioning the soccer game, because i was really cold that day and really really wanted that lady to share her blanket with me lol*
> 
> What even is a 'comma'? As always all mistakes are my own.

It’s midday and Derek hasn’t heard from Stiles at all. He doesn’t want to worried but he’d sent a text that morning and never received a response. He thinks maybe he’ll go down to the station and surprise him but he doesn’t want to overdo it and scare him off. He glances up when Laura knocks on his door. “Derek, lobby now.” 

“Whaaa?”

“And get your shit! You’re done today!” She calls over her shoulder when she leaves.

He grabs his jacket and keys as is met with a white rose shoved under his nose and an envelope thrust into his hand when he enters the lobby. Cora stands off to the side, giggling. 

“What is this?” He rips open the envelope. Inside is a clue, a riddle leading him to the zoo? He looks at his sisters. “I don’t understand.”

“Seriously?! Dude! It’s a scavenger hunt!” Cora beams at him. “Go, go, go!”

“I think it signifies a beginning, a fresh start.” Laura says, nodding down to the flower, as she ushers him out of the building. “Go.”

He has butterflies in his stomach when he approaches the gate. The clue leads him to the wolf enclosure. He’s greeted by Kira when another white rose and envelope are given to him by Scott. They smile but say nothing as they turn to leave. 

He wants to watch the wolves for a while, but he has a nervous energy and wants to see what’s next. The clue directs him to the art gallery. There’s not a specific exhibit listed, but his feet carry him to his favorite, the fox sculpture. Another rose and envelope, given to him by Malia this time. 

And that’s how it continues, a new rose and envelope, revealing to him his destination. Next was the beach, then a new restaurant, as well as the conservatory, and finally to Stiles’ house. He sees a path lit, sprinkled with white rose petals, leading him to the backyard. He hears gentle music as he rounds the house and sees a gazebo tucked through the trees, lit with white christmas lights. As he approaches he sees Stiles standing in the center with another white rose. 

“Hi.” Stiles whispers as Derek approaches him. 

“Hi.”

They each share a small smile as Stiles hands Derek the rose. “I see you found the place.” He takes Derek’s hand. “I was nervous about the first few. That you wouldn’t-”

“What? Remember? Stiles I’ll always remember… our first date, our first kiss, our first ‘I love you’s’, I just didn’t understand the rest?”

“Our future. I hope. A first date? A second?”

“And this?”

“Our forever. Eventually, I hope…” Stiles steps closer and puts his hands on Derek’s forearms as Derek holds his hips. “Der, I have loved you since I was 12 years old and you stepped into my life. I realized I was IN love with you when I was 14 and you told Lydia she was stupid for not going out with me because of how awesome I was.” They chuckle at the memory. “I never thought I would get to have you, but somehow, I got lucky. That was the best day of my life. You were standing there, vulnerable again, I swear it’s like my damn kryptonite, heh, but when you told me you liked me- I couldn’t believe it. I was so happy.” His thumbs rub circles into Derek’s arms, he frowns slightly. “I- I will never be able to make up for how I hurt you. I-” 

Derek hears a sniffle. “Sti-”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I must have been a fucking saint in some past life… All I know, is that if you give me a chance, I’ll do anything, everything to prove to you how much I love you and want you.”

“Stiles. We were young. We were stupid. It doesn’t justify anything. But it happened. I don’t want to dwell, I never did. I just wanted to move on. And I did. I forgive you Stiles. I’m not saying that I excuse what you did, that it’s okay. Just that I’m not going to dangle the past over our heads like blackmail. It’s done. We’re older, we’ve matured. You’ve matured. I don’t want us to dwell on the past. Please.”

Derek searches Stiles’ eyes. He sees hope. “Then in that case… Derek. Sebastian. Hale.” He peppers Derek’s face with a kiss after each name, left cheek, right cheek, forehead. He brings Derek’s face in, just centimeters from his own. “Will you go out with me?”

Derek presses his lips against Stiles’ and whispers ‘yes’ into the kiss. 

~~~~~

Derek wakes from the bed he shares with his boyfriend. He looks down at the expanse of pale skin strewn with moles. Sometimes he likes to trace patterns against his skin. He brushes the hair away from Stiles’ eyes and smiles to himself. 

He remembers a conversation he had with Jordan after breaking up with Braeden. 

_“I don’t understand why you split though.”_

_“She doesn’t want a future. To get married. She doesn’t want to be in love.”_

_“And you do? After what happened with that guy, Biles?”_

_“His name is Stiles, Jordan, you know that.”_

_“He broke your heart, he doesn’t get enough respect for name recognition.”_

_Derek chuckles at his friend. “I want that though. To be in love.”_

_“But I saw you. You were so hurt. Why do that again? The possibility of pain. Why go through that.”_

_“For love, Jordan. For love.”_

_“Yeah but is it worth it?”_

_“It’s always worth it.” ___

__Derek reaches over and opens his nightstand. He pulls out a little black box and opens it. He feels Stiles shift beside him. “Der? What’s...”_ _

__Derek looks down into the questioning look on his lovers face. “Forever.”_ _

__“Forever.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments give me life <3
> 
> come chat with me on [Tumblr](http://evanesdust.tumblr.com/)


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